For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God.” —1 Corinthians 1:18
I am so grateful for the power of God in my life that healed me of depression, phobias, and anxiety so many years ago. My life has never been the same. As it has been so many years back, I don’t want to forget as freedom has become the norm. I can tell you firsthand that there is torment in fear (1 John 4:18). There is a taste of hell that I knew before I was saved and never want to go back to.
Getting freedom was like being set free from being locked in a dungeon and feeling the sun on my face for the first time. There was all this darkness and sullenness in the depression that I struggled with bouts of for some months at a time. When I was healed from this, it was like someone had come in and turned the lights on. There was clarity of thinking and the confusion was gone.
Then there was this toxic amount of shame that I carried. I couldn’t possibly find freedom to be who I was because not only did I not know who I was. I hid everything about me under deep shame and built a fortress around it.
Then when I came to the Lord, over a period of time, everything changed. My life has never been the same. It didn’t all happen in one day when I was saved but the Lord seemed to break every rule to meet me where I was at and bring me what I needed to find new levels of freedom. The Lord would give me a word from His Word about setting me free then shortly after, I would get a powerful level of new found freedom in healing or deliverance.
As I became more healed, He also encouraged me to step out into more and trust. And as I have trusted and as I have walked into greater levels of freedom, my faith has grown. My hunger has also grown. When I realized He is the healer, I hungered deeply for this in my life. Something in me came alive in hope and I hungered for more.
It was first freedom for myself. I longed to be set free. I longed to be the mother, wife, worker and person that I admired so much in others and that felt impossible for myself. I remember listening to these cassette tapes from Jack Frost on the Father’s love and being so moved by them. I listened to everything from him that I could get my hands on. Then I once prayed that his ministry would come somewhere close to me and it did. It showed up a week or two later at a church close to me and I had a special invite to attend.
It is a huge ministry but they had this special meeting for just this really small group – which I was included. He shared a word that was powerful on the Father’s love and then had individual ministers for each person that was there to receive the Father’s love more fully. It was powerful!
What was more amazing is what happened the next day after the event. I came down with a terrible flu and was home in my prayer room, praying and talking to God. As I was laying there with a high fever, God gave me a vision that was so incredible. I never experienced anything like it. He became my father that day. After this powerful encounter, I went around for a week with tears in my eyes as I called myself His daughter.
It all also made me hungry for more. I was part of this ministry at my church that was for women who were really broken and hurting from some sort of abuse. While it wasn’t labeled this way, this was the group that was drawn to it. The Pastor, who I would shortly later join her ministry, had experienced abuse herself and had been healed and set free. She would share her testimony and pray for others. Many of us were experiencing a great deal of healing through it.
As I shortly after started to help with various aspects of this ministry, I remember sometimes being so hungry for what God had that I would start shaking sometimes as I was back in the sound booth. And when we prayed for people at the end, I longed for their freedom as well as mine and would see God meet us at the altar with such goodness.
When she later stepped out as an iterate minister and went to other churches, it just seemed natural that I would go along with her and help her. It was amazing as God met us powerfully everywhere we went with emotional healing and deliverance.
Then as I became more healed and set free, my husband started going to church with me. My pastor had referred me to a church that she had prayed about and felt the Lord would grow our marriage as well as me there. It was a good choice and God met me there powerfully.
My pastor died of cancer a year or so after I started to go to church with my husband and it was a great place to heal from this. At the same time, I was learning about grace. I had never understood grace and found myself really hungry for more of the biblical foundations he was teaching in the light of grace. And my pastor there was like the father figure I had never known. I was so hungry for more that I caught up on all 30 some years of his sermons over a few years of attending. It was a great time of biblical formation and spiritual growth for me.
While I was there, I also grew more in hunger to see others set free like I was set free. From desiring to see those deeply wounded healed, I longed to see the body walk in the fullness of freedom and grace. The more freedom I received, the more freedom I wanted for everyone. I remember sobbing as I watched online a revival breaking out in another ministry that I was part of and so wanting that for my own church. Then not too much later, God brought this. It was like the sea split and all these folks crossed over. It was amazing.
During this time, I was also growing in this longing for His return. Underneath, I always longed for this and deeply desired it. I’m not sure why. Maybe it is just some of the equipment you get when you are saved. But as I saw the power of God pouring out on the body of Christ, my longing came fully to the service of, “come, Lord Jesus.” I remember leading a pre-service prayer meeting for the leaders of my church and once being so overfilled with joy about His return, it just spilled over.
But not everyone felt this same way. Since we are all Christians, it must not be that every Christian has this deep longing and excitement. So why me? I think of it every day. I long for it every day. My desires are not so much focused anymore just on people getting fully healed as people being prepared and ready in/for the great harvest. I’m so deeply longing for His return.
At one point, I longed deeply to be just like my first pastor who ministered to the deeply broken with God’s healing power. She was such a prophetic encourager and I loved to see people healed emotionally in God’s presence. Not that I don’t still love this and deeply desire this [seeing wounded and broken people healed], but I have such a longing for His return.
Maybe this is because it is where I am putting my hands to what my heart prompts. Perhaps in where my treasure is, there my heart will be also, is because I am putting so much into praying and investing into preparing for His return.
I’m not sure where this is going or where I am going in it. There are times that I listen to sermons about Jesus, revival and preparing for his return and I get so hungry for this that I cannot sleep. But then I hear about others who spending months longing and in travail and then have this incredible and life changing encounter with God. I really would love to have more of this myself but I am just not there.
2 Peter 3:11 says, “Therefore, since all these things will eventually be rolled up and be dissolved, what manner of persons ought you to be?” If you are a person who spends time in the word, you know the answer to this. 2 Peter 3:12 goes on to answer that we ought to live holy and godly lives as we look forward to the day of the Lord and speed its coming.
Knowing that the things of this earth will be rolled up and end, here it says that we ought to speed it along with great enthusiasm and excitement, anticipating the best is yet to come. One of the greatest gifts of being a Christian is hope. No matter what is going on in our lives, we can look up and have an incredible hope that God, the Master Designer, has a great plan that includes us.
When difficulty arises, we are not left behind in the dust feeling dismay. But rather, we have hope as we know that all things work together for those who love Him. Even losing one’s child, I have seen such joy on the face of a Christian who knows Christ because they know that this momentary light affliction is producing in us an eternal weight of glory.
In that, as times get difficult, we can be taken up and cradled in His love. He has a firm grip upon us and we are not left to frail around or grope in the dark. Peace and purpose are ours through Jesus Christ who already proclaimed, “it is finished.” We are His.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Like the people of Goshen in Egypt, we are called to stand out and shine brightly. We are the city on the hill that cannot be hidden. And in our joy, anticipation and continual hope, those who have been left behind and have not received Him into their lives will hopefully see and be drawn to the light of His goodness. There is a safe place of shelter in His love.
Lord, thank you for hope! Let us be lights that shine brightly for you in this season so that others may be drawn to the Light of Your presence. May others not be left in hopelessness but see there is a Living Hope available to them. And may we know your powerful touch in every area of our life that we need it. Lead us along a path that most glorifies You.
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